?

Log in

World · In · My · Eyes


...let me show you...

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *


FADING TO GREY
Tags:
Current Mood:
depressed depressed
Current Music:
Placebo - This picture
* * *
This is so strange! I have been having regular dreams of my late Dad and my late dog almost every night lately. I was worried to be honest... I don't ever look up the meaning of dreams, but told Mom and she looked it up, and ALL the interpreters said same thing, that deceased father in dreams is coming usually in times of crisis and loneliness and is basically showing comfort and protection, I was stunned, it's EXACTLY what I am going thru, also been dreaming a LOT about Airports. THEY mean that I had to postpone my plans and that it's bothering me! That floored me!!! It's eerily accurate!!! I might just rethink this whole dream interpretation issue!! It was so spot on I was covered with goosebumps! I was expecting total nonsense to be honest!
Tonight I had a long and weirdly scary feeling dream about David Lynch!! I remember I was scared of him and at the same time I was telling him how grateful I am for his work... My mind... Well, me, and obviously my mind is coping how it's coping...
Tags:
Current Mood:
anxious anxious
Current Music:
Garbage - Drive you Home
* * *
Happy Birthday,
thank you for blessing this earth with your creations and forever enriching my life and my thoughts... You are my hero forever! Many more years of wonderful, genius creations!
Current Mood:
weird weird
Current Music:
Shakespear's Sister - Hello
* * *
* * *
After the shock, an hour of crying... I just don't imagine this world without David Bowie... I am in denial still... I cannot imagine... I can't process this...
Tags:
Current Mood:
Devastated
* * *
* * *
Lost in time I can`t count the words
(I) said when I thought they went unheard
All of those harsh thoughts so unkind
`Cause I wanted you

(And) now I sit here I`m all alone
So here sits a bloody mess, tears fly home
A circle of angels, deep in war
`Cause I wanted you

Weak as I am, no tears for you
Weak as I am, no tears for you
Deep as I am, I`m no ones fool
Weak as I am

So what am I now I'm loves last home
I`m all of the soft words I once owned
If I opened my heart, there`d be no space for air
`Cause I wanted you

In this tainted soul
In this weak young heart
Am I too much for you



Tags:
* * *
I had this intense dream the night before... I was sitting on a bench with my late Grandma and my late Daddy... and he was saying things like " why are you suffering so much? You weren't predisposed to it as a child..." I could see how much he was hurting that I am hurting, and then I told him:
"Dad, if I could turn back time and make a different choice, I would have never ever come here, I suffered SO much here!"
And his face... God it's making me cry as I am typing, it froze and fell! I mean, the pain in his face was so intense I felt it in my whole body!!!
Then I looked around and said:
"THIS!! This is my paradise!! Every grey building, every leaf, every grain of sand, every pile of dirt... THIS IS MY HOME!! This is my heaven! Right here!! I only want to be here!!!"
God, I kept bursting into tears all day just remembering the horrible pain on his face...
Tags:
Current Mood:
Weepy
Current Music:
The Neighbourhood - Female Robbery
* * *


Cracked this morning worst and weak
Tears roll down from inside my cheek
Strange timing Oppurtunity knocks
Sun comes up, paradox
Take the whole part out this wine
Take a rope and tie these thoughts of mine down
Until I'm fine

Don't ask me if I'm hungry
I'm not sick
Somethings tearing me appart
Brick by brick

And I feel guilty as I sigh
I'm feeling guilty
Why do I?

Take your hands out of mine
Take a rope and tie these thoughts of mine down
Until I'm fine

Cracked this morning worse and sad
Or have I already told you that
Forget my plans to grow a vine
You wern't dressed to burn these thoughts of mine
Until I'm fine
Until I'm fine
Tags:
Current Mood:
weird weird
* * *
Happy New Year, hopefully I will be asleep before midnight, if not I will be watching TV in bed... I hate this pressure/expectations/anxiety of NYE... expectation that at strike of midnight everything in life will turn shiny new and bright and all the crap will go away, Cinderella style, well, we all grew out of that one, haven't we? Anxiety about what the new year will bring. I know this damn year was hands down the WORST of my life, I know I thought this before on NY eves, but this damn year takes the cake!!! I am counting that it cant get worse, or repeat itself, or I will be six feet under by next NYE!

Tags: ,

Current Mood:
Tired
* * *
I don't know what the hell is happening, but my state is deteriorating rapidly and seriously... I am terrified, I have never experienced anything like this... I am holding by a thread and I'm scared it's about to break
It all seemed to have happened since I was put on prednisone ( and ended in hospital may I add) for a severe unspecified allergy that couldn't be diagnosed for a damn month! Since quitting Prednisone, which is a steroid I have been in freefall... I read about depression as a side effect of it, and I had it also intravenously in hospital, I read it can also last up to six month, but my GOD, nothing like this EVER gone on with me! WTF is this? How do I cope? How do I stop this? What the HELL DO I DO???
Tags:
Current Mood:
indescribable indescribable
* * *
* * *

Previous