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Needless to say how happy I am to see the back of this year!
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Current Mood:
restless restless
Current Music:
Placebo - Protege Moi
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While I always like the idea of a fresh start every new year, I also feel scared. I always wonder what it has in store and tend to focus on the negative possibilities. God knows this was the worst year of my life, but partly because of my own stupidity, which will not repeat itself in the upcoming year or any other time. I must say I never wanted a year to be over as much as I want this one to end. But again, I am filled with fears about what the next year has in store. I know I should focus on the positive possibilities, but I can't seem to manage that. However I have learned a lot this year, and like I said, a lot of stupid mistakes will not be made and wont land me in horrible situations I found myself in this year. This year I truly found myself in situations I never thought I will ever find myself in. It did teach me a lot. But a lot of horrible things happened that were out of my control entirely. That's the fear every new year. Of the potentially awful stuff that can happen that are of no fault of my own. I need to shift my thinking to be more positive.
Current Mood:
nauseated nauseated
Current Music:
K's Choice - Not an Addict
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I thought I was truly dumped by this guy I was seeing, he disappeared for a month. Then he calls me yesterday saying he wants to see me in the new year and how when he feels like shit I'm the only one he can talk to... WTF is it with men? What makes it ok to disappear and then just call like nothing happened? It's a damn pattern I have noticed many times! I just don't get men.
But at least I wasn't dumped!
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Current Mood:
calm calm
Current Music:
Placebo - Pure Morning
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I don't celebrate xmas or anything. I would just love to see the back of this year. Without a doubt the WORST year of my entire life. 4 hospitalizations, 2 overdoses, friend committed suicide and worst of all the death of a very close person to me. Worst fucking year of my entire life, I am amazed I survived it. It has to end already and next year HAS to be better, or I wont survive. Not even joking
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Current Mood:
anxious anxious
Current Music:
K's Choice - Shadowman
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FADING TO GREY
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Current Mood:
depressed depressed
Current Music:
Placebo - This picture
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This is so strange! I have been having regular dreams of my late Dad and my late dog almost every night lately. I was worried to be honest... I don't ever look up the meaning of dreams, but told Mom and she looked it up, and ALL the interpreters said same thing, that deceased father in dreams is coming usually in times of crisis and loneliness and is basically showing comfort and protection, I was stunned, it's EXACTLY what I am going thru, also been dreaming a LOT about Airports. THEY mean that I had to postpone my plans and that it's bothering me! That floored me!!! It's eerily accurate!!! I might just rethink this whole dream interpretation issue!! It was so spot on I was covered with goosebumps! I was expecting total nonsense to be honest!
Tonight I had a long and weirdly scary feeling dream about David Lynch!! I remember I was scared of him and at the same time I was telling him how grateful I am for his work... My mind... Well, me, and obviously my mind is coping how it's coping...
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Current Mood:
anxious anxious
Current Music:
Garbage - Drive you Home
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Happy Birthday,
thank you for blessing this earth with your creations and forever enriching my life and my thoughts... You are my hero forever! Many more years of wonderful, genius creations!
Current Mood:
weird weird
Current Music:
Shakespear's Sister - Hello
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After the shock, an hour of crying... I just don't imagine this world without David Bowie... I am in denial still... I cannot imagine... I can't process this...
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Current Mood:
Devastated
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Lost in time I can`t count the words
(I) said when I thought they went unheard
All of those harsh thoughts so unkind
`Cause I wanted you

(And) now I sit here I`m all alone
So here sits a bloody mess, tears fly home
A circle of angels, deep in war
`Cause I wanted you

Weak as I am, no tears for you
Weak as I am, no tears for you
Deep as I am, I`m no ones fool
Weak as I am

So what am I now I'm loves last home
I`m all of the soft words I once owned
If I opened my heart, there`d be no space for air
`Cause I wanted you

In this tainted soul
In this weak young heart
Am I too much for you



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